Readers Say

Although some just find the entire concept off-putting.

You may recall that BetUS recently took the time to rate every MLB mascot — along with broadcasters, reporters, managers, and umpires, although for some inexplicable reason apparently not the grounds crew — on a sexiness scale. Red Sox mascot Wally the Green Monster came in 22nd among mascots, 364th among the list en toto, so not exactly what you’d call Brad Pitt level. 

But several Boston.com readers were unhappy not with Wally’s poor finish, but because someone had the idea of rating mascot sexiness in the first place.

“No mascots are sexy,” wrote MjB of West Bridgewater, explaining his thought process as follows: “Cuz none are sexy … at all.” Emily of Wakefield agreed: “I don’t find any of them sexy, mostly nightmare fuel.” And Eric from Boston chimed in, “They are meant for kids, not for adults to get all hot and bothered by. Gross that someone even thought of this.” Wethinks Eric doth protest too much.

Regardless, about 75 brave readers weighed in with their opinions on the relative sexiness of Boston’s own coterie of mascots, and on baseball mascots in general. Sadly, Wally didn’t fare much better among them than he did with whoever BetUS asked. (Sorry, Wally.) But maybe more surprisingly, the mascot for Boston’s least-visible team, the New England Revolution, finished head-over-tail the sexiest mascot of the bunch.

“Let’s face it, the fox is a fox,” wrote Justin about Slyde the Fox. Another reader offered this take: “Slyde I feel is very underrated when it comes to the Boston mascots. Seeing him be super supportive out on the field and his love for all his fans makes me appreciate how dedicated he is.” And “Foxy” from Dorchester pointed out Slyde’s “snatched jaw line,” “high chance of domestication,” and something we can’t print.

But Blades, the Bruins bear, came in second with plenty of his own backers. “I feel confident Blades could save me from a burning building with his strong muscles,” wrote Emma S, with Karen P. noting, “He’s definitely the most athletic, which is sexy.” It’s true, you try skating in a bear suit.

And while Wally and Pat Patriot apparently just failed to float people’s boats, Lucky the Leprechaun left them downright confused. “Ummm, he’s a real person,” noted Meg from Belmont. And Chris from Newton claimed, “the Celtics mascot is an embarrassment. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that getup.” 

By far the most complete analysis, though, came from JM of East Boston (“born and bred”), so in deference to the clear thought she put into this, we present it below in full:

1) Slyde the Fox. It’s the Revolution. FOXES!! Have you SEEN those soccer players with their shirts off at practice????

2) Blade the Bruin. Ditto #1.

3) Pat Patriot. Bod awesome, goofy character face on bobblehead top, not so much. Please change the face. Looks like he took a snort of stimulants. Scary.

4) Lucky the Leprechaun. Cheerful. Really ugly clothes off the old-fashioned carnival boat.

5) Sweet Wally, good-hearted green couch potato we all love. Like your cuddly Grandpapa who ate too much pasta and meatballs with vino but still gets up to dance the tarantella with Nonna. Hell yes! Wally’s still got it going on!

Who is the sexiest MLB mascot?

Several readers also took the time to weigh in on which MLB mascots top their own personal sexiness scale:

“Mr. and Mrs. Met. They are the Jay Z and Beyoncé of the mascot world.” — Emma S.

“For anyone who knows baseball, the only MLB mascot worth spit is the Philly Phanatic.” — Chris, Newton

“The Philly Phanatic is the best. San Diego chicken is the runner up.” — Phil, Boston

“Stomper the elephant (Athletics) — because he’s looking for a home.” — Justin

Boston.com occasionally interacts with readers by conducting informal polls and surveys. These results should be read as an unscientific gauge of readers’ opinion.

Peter Chianca

General Assignment Editor

Peter Chianca, Boston.com’s general assignment editor since 2019, is a longtime news editor, columnist, and music writer in the Greater Boston area.

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